she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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