Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize