your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
