i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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