I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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