Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
