I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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