I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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