I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
