Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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