Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
