Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
