You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
