she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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