I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
