so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
