i don't like sucking hair
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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