dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
