Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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