Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
