Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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