remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We have so much sex to catch up on
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
