you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
