I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
