I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
