I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
