I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
