Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
