wat bout pragnant strippers??
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
