Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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