How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
