Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
