do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
