I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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