And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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