i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
