pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
