He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
