why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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