New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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