R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
