guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
