So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
