No awkward lesbian experiences without me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
