well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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