i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
