I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
