So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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