I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can't put those talents on a resume
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
