Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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