My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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