I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
