I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
