I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
