And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
