Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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