I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
