The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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