oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
