hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
