Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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