What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize