so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
