you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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