you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
