I wish I could teleport
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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