paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
