if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
